The First Time I Cried During a Movie

I admit it—I’ve cried during a movie. And it’s hard to say that. I grew up proud of being unemotional; in fact, I would say I’m still pretty restrained. Yet, a few years back as a 30-year-old man, I actually shed a few tears while watching a film. No, it’s worse than that: it was during a documentary—and not the kind you would first imagine.

My wife, Andrea, and I were watching BBC’s Planet Earth II. Yeah, you read that right: Planet Earth. It was towards the end of the first episode, Islands. It wasn’t about cuddly dogs or majestic eagles; it was penguins. Let me explain.

Chinstrap penguins live on Zavodovski Island in the South Atlantic Ocean. Zavodovski is highly inhospitable with an active volcano, extreme cold, and no vegetation. To nest, the penguins must scale a rocky cliff. But all of their food is in the treacherous sea. After their chicks hatch, the mother and father penguin take turns with their young: one guards, while the other gathers food in the ocean. Both are highly dangerous.

The guarding parent must be vigilant. Birds of prey are constantly searching for unguarded chicks. The moment a penguin leaves her chick, the predators pounce. Her duty is to shield the young, nothing else.

Meanwhile, the other parent must descend a cliff into a torrent of waves and whirlpools. Beyond all else, he must eat enough for himself, then bring back enough for his mate and babies. Once he has gathered what is necessary, he must make a desperate journey back to the shore. Many die at this point as their small bodies are thrown against the sharp rocks, while back at the nest his mate and chicks starve. If he makes it to the shore and scales the cliff successfully, he has to find his nest amongst hundreds of thousands of others and feed his chicks. At this point the parents trade places: the former guard now must go find food.

While I watched this dramatized by David Attenborough (with the help of Hans Zimmer’s moving score), I felt my throat tightening a little. My eyes moistened too. At first, I didn’t understand. “Why am I getting emotional about penguins?”

The truth is, I saw an enormous amount of parallels for my role as a father. Just think of those penguins and their dedication to their chicks. Especially being a Christian, I saw metaphors in the predators who want to snatch the chicks away and eat them; the need for provision, both physically and spiritually; the codependency of mother and father; the list goes on.

If my 20-year-old self could have known that he would get emotional about penguins, he would have laughed. Without a doubt, becoming a father has changed me.

And I think for the better.